I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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