I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize