did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize