Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
