are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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