we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
