I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i think my mom watched the whole time
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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