$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
