pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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