i wish my penis had a tongue
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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