At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
