Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
