Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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