make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
