normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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