do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was confusing and full of hummus
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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