omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
