Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
