this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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