I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
