I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
