just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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