hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
