Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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