Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she told me i tasted like america
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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