it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
