covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
