hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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