Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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