i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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