She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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