That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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