Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize