i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
