Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
