great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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