dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
