this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
