mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
