The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize