Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
