I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He did a backflip because drugs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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