I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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