I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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