Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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