Hey man sorry I got all grabby
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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