I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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