Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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