i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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