woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
