i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would ride that face into the sunset
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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