Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
