there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize