grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
