I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
