HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
