Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize