I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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