as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
