Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
