how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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