Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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