she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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