Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
