how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
