i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
