I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
