i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
