That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He is an equal opportunity slut.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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