They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
