I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
