Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
