sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
