So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize