I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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