She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
