I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize