We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
