And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize