Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my being single is dangerous.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
