Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
