Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
