East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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