Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
