So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
