Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
