Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
